Strange Suffering

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
1 Peter 4;12-13

The part of this verse that really strikes me is, "as though something strange were happening to you." There are the obvious sufferings that come when we are rejected in some way because we are Christians. They are rejecting Christ in us, just like they rejected him when he walked on this earth. Then there is another suffering that most of us recognize. This is when we go through trials like car accidents, identity theft, poison oak etc. We know that suffering does good things for us, even if it is not fun to go through. To me, those kinds of sufferings don't feel so strange anymore. I have become aware of a suffering that I guess I didn't actually know what to do with. This is when I am overcome with a horrid attitude that I know isn't in agreement with God. I repent. I declare the truth. I do everything I can to get rid of it, and yet it sticks to me like glue. This is what happened to me last night. It seemed like the more I fought it, the worse it got. Of course, then along with that came shame that I had this attitude and that I couldn't make it go away. This morning, God and I have been having a discussion about it. I learned that instead of trying to fix it myself, I needed to bring it to God. He had allowed this attitude for a variety of reasons. One was that I actually was being given discernment. Another was that I was being shown that I am not any better than anyone else. Another is that I was being protected. The last is that I needed to bring it to God and see his heart. I can't have his heart in this situation, but it helps to know his heart. I am to put my hope in his attitude. It is such a relief. He has compassion on everyone. Nothing can separate me or anyone else from his love.
When you are suffering because you can't get yourself to have what you perceive to be the right attitude, take it to God. Get his take on the matter. Quit beating yourself up and hoping in your ability to be good.
Jesus, who in the Gospel compares Yourself to a most tender mother, I trust in your words because You are Truth and Life. In spite of everything, Jesus I trust in You in the face of every interior sentiment which sets itself against hope. Do what You want with me; I will never leave You, because You are the source of my life.
(Divine Mercy In My Soul, Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska)